Yes, I Lost the Salvia in the Backyard

My parents went out of town last night.  To commemorate this lovely occasion, I have decided to tell y'all about ANOTHER time my parents went out of town, long, long ago.

My brother had and continues to have an AWESOME group of friends from high school, who subsequently became mine, after I moved to Corona after college.  We used to throw some KILLER parties, me being twenty-three and all helped a lot.  Let's just say I made a lot of trips to either the grocery store or the gas station with such incentives offered as: five dollars or, if I was lucky..."the change."

One of these parties we decided to turn it up a notch.  Most all of us smoked weed then (except for Jon, dumbass and now you DO---do not understand) but anyway, we decided to purchase some "salvia" from our local headshop, of course getting the like super Jerry Garcia kind...because we were stupid.  I remember we had a baggie of it and we were passing it around the patio table, each of us having our own, uniquely horrible/hilarious/helpless experiences.

For those of you unfamiliar with salvia, Miley Cyrus smoked it and cracked up, remember the TMZ clip?  Google it, because I refuse to put it on here.  I cannot deal with her. 

This is what it looks like...naturally growing.

This is what it looks like dried, ready to take you straight to hell in one rip.

These are the kind of people that smoke it.

This is what it makes you act like.

So of course, my friend Juan and I decide to be "in charge" of the stash, which is really code for, "we are going to smoke all of this" and we lurked around the corner to the trash can area to smoke.

I cannot describe the way it made me feel.  It was like riding a roller-coaster for thirty seconds, while doing a line of coke, while laughing at the funniest thing ever.  I HATED IT.  I felt like I had PTSD and LSD all in one hit.  I'm pretty sure I cried.  I like to do that when I do drugs for some reason.

I'd rather do this than salvia again.

My friend Juan seemed to be taking it a lot easier than I was, I think I wandered off into a cactus somewhere and started talking to it.  Eventually, it wore off completely, and quite quickly too.  Then, I reached in my pocket, because OBVIOUSLY I want to smoke more because that makes all the sense in the world.

I can't find it.  I scream at Juan.  I go to the trash cans.  I go through the trash cans.  Nothing.  I start telling everyone to start looking for a red container.  Everyone pretty much ignores me, except for my brother, who like me, was probably thinking, "WHAT IF MOM AND DAD FIND IT?!?!?"

We did not find it until the morning, where it was gingerly sitting on top of the garden hose.  Great job, Alli...totally logically placed.  I think this was also the same night I drank too much, slept outside and threw up all night long.  I woke up to my brother hosing off  my regurgitated french fries covering the patio, shaking his head.  Shit, I hope this week is as fun as that.  Let's get some salvia!