The Time Justin Held Me Down And Made Me Eat Rabbit Poop
Some of the best moments in my career as the "chubby-funny-girl" included the time I was forced to eat rabbit feces. I know what you're thinking...how could that be a "best?" Well apparently, you weren't in Ms. Zacher's class.
Ms. (and yes I mean MS.) Zacher was that teacher. She would drive in from the mountains with snow on the rooftop of her SUV and let us chuck it at each other. We often would discuss topics that had NOTHING to do with AP English Lit, and I am pretty sure she loved it.
Our required reading for that class was in a word: torturous. Now that I look back on it as an adult, I realize she was asking us to read and discuss some pretty awesome books. The problem is high school sophomores DGAF about obscure poetry from from the seventies. They can rent To Kill A Mockingbird, and there were Cliff's Notes for just about everything she asked us to read. Therefore, we had A LOT of down time.
The class itself could have been an early episode of MTV's The Real World. I had my awkward-nerdy-ska-friend, my I-cut-myself friend, my totally-closeted friend, and of course, Justin. Justin was that guy that knew about Nine Inch Nails before anybody else. He was often prone to spout awesome hysterical nonsense, or draw some intense picture that probably had satanic undertones. It also did not hurt that he was very good looking.
One day, we had a bit of a "break" and decided to take it on the mound of the softball field. I'm not sure why Ms. Zacher wasn't more concerned that we were more than one hundred yards away from the classroom, or if she even had a clue. I decided to take a seat on top of a little hill, covered in rabbit droppings. I pointed this out to Justin. That's when the fun began.
I'm not sure how it started, or why, but Justin recruited some of my pals to hold me down and shove the rabbit shit into my mouth. The problem was not my gagging, but the fact that I was laughing so hard I thought I was going to choke. It LITERALLY killed me, I was busting the gut of a lifetime. Everyone involved was dying too, barely able to hold me down while I spit a combination of grass and delicious rabbit feces out of my mouth.
It was then Zacher spotted us, and started to motion for us to return. When asked what had occurred, and why we were all besides ourselves with laughter, Justin answered, "Oh nothing, Alli just ate some shit."