Twenty (Kinda) Fun Facts About Yours Truly

1. My chestpiece was my first tattoo. I am just that gnarly.

2. I have an intense, compulsive need to smell paper money. At the end of every shift I have to sniff all my bills. It makes me feel good.

3. I graduated from Pepperdine with a bachelors in Political Science but I have no intention of ever using it. In fact I hated almost every minute I was in college, what minutes I didn't spend on heroin, mind you.

4. I am enthralled by Munchhausen by Proxy and tales of subsequent mommies and daddies who are slowly killing their children. No, I'm not creepy. Ok, I'm kinda creepy.

5. When we were in junior high, my friend's brother had some intestinal/colon thing where he needed this instrument to help him go poo. I remember being over there and her parents were going after him to go poo. He was screaming. I think about this moment almost every day.

6. I have a stuffed animal for ALMOST every real animal you can feasibly make a stuffed animal for. I love them all and I still have them all here in my closet.

7. I have had three boyfriends with the same first name. Their last names are also all streets in Long Beach. Weird.

8. Here's a fun one: my high-school boyfriend broke up with me for another girl, then follows me to college and we become heroin junkies (after he meets and sleeps with a 17 year old girl who starts selling him the heroin), ruins my life and I kick him out of our apartment. Five years later that same girl from high school goes into his work, they lock eyes, she leaves her husband and three children...

9. I love musicals. My favorite is the one I write about my own life...because I sing everything all day long.

10. I still read all the Newberry Award children's books every year.

11. Extreme Home Makeover makes me cry every time and I am not even trying to watch that shit.

12. I have never eaten at Arby's.

13. Ever since 5th grade, I have wanted to be Mexican and I am obsessed with all elements of the culture, food, slang...

14. I remember vividly the day Megan brought all her dad's pornograhy to San Marcos Elementary and we had a viewing under the huge trees on the border of the playground. I always thought about her Dad, driving that tiny Saab down the dirt road to her house wondering where all his magazines went...

15. I didn't have sex until I was 17. I got my period at 18.

16. I prefer Morrissey to the Smiths...and I hate when people ask me and then we have to do this whole faux intellectual debate over the validity of Johnny Marr.

17. I kissed a girl before I ever kissed a boy. And I mean kisssssssed.

18. I often think about that summer I went to Europe and when I came home this guy Matt had killed his mom...I thought they were talking about that weird guy John who shaved his eyebrows a la Marilyn Manson. He was hot. I thought, ooh if only John had killed his mom then I would try and sleep with him. Oh innocent rebellion!

19. I have extremely low bladder control. I just peed in my pants at WalMart 2 weeks ago.

20. When I can't sleep, I watch TV shows about forensic science and serial murder to relax.

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