I was going to do a post today that I was tagged in, and FEAR NOT, I will! I just had a bit of bullshit go down at my house yesterday, and it left me feeling very depressed. Whether or not y'all may have guessed, this funny girl suffers from severe depression, anxiety, and I'm also a self-harmer! Whoo-hoo for the triple threat! I think I hear a Demi Lovato song playing somewhere...anyway.
I woke up this morning and I just wanted to cry, and I did. I am basically am an "Invisible Cinderella" to my parents, my interests are trivial to them, or they'll just openly mock me, just like they do my job ("You need a 9 to 5 job"), or tattoos which are "for attention" (just in case you didn't know why people get tattoos, it's because they need more attention), they think my blog is a "joke" and "who cares what YOU have to say about anything...what are your credentials???" (direct quote by the way). How I have no money saved, how I need to pay my unpaid tickets to the county because apparently I'm Al Capone and at any minute Elliott Ness is going to roll in here and take me away, and also I don't do enough.
I think doing your breakfast dishes, drolly left for me as if I am Anna at Downton Abbey, taking out trash gingerly left 40 yards from the can, emptying a full dishwasher everyday, folding load after load of your ridiculous laundry; just to have you throw my dedicates in the dryer and say..."whoops!", the way you speak to me (more like Ike probably "spoke" to Tina), the way you openly mock or jest at anything I find to be important, ignoring me when I speak to you, brushing me aside when I try to show you something because you're "busy", and cleaning nearly your ENTIRE house every week is enough.
I have to stay here for probably three to four more months, but I was hoping I could reach out to my blogging buddies to help me stay on track with saving, making a plan for moving, etc. I am just feeling beyond overwhelmed and very, very sad.
This blog is just a "thank-you" and (wait for it, wait for it) a "virtual hug" to my blogging friends who LITERALLY get me through everyday. I want to recognize the people who really care.
Rebel: from the packages, to your texts, to your unconditional love and praise, I could not make it through a single day without you. Everything you say and do brings a smile to my face, and our morning chats have really become the best part of my day. I can't wait for this house shit to come full circle for you, so you can finally relax. You deserve all the best things in the world.
Bethany: knowing something's wrong with me before I even know it myself, checking in on me, making CUSTOM goodies for me, always there to talk and support me and NEVER EVER JUDGING, you are a gift to me from Morrissey (he's my God, so that's pretty damn special). Not a day goes by that I don't remember you were my first reader. Ever.
Autumn: you are one of the most altruistic, beautiful people I have ever met, and I can't wait for my stupid ass to finish your care package...it's just I keep finding more things I want to send you! This girl has been such an inspiration and a true doll.
Charissa: you have done nothing but support me, promote me, love me, and bring a smile to my face, and I know this is only the beginning of a beautiful friendship!
Jess: smart, strong, and again, always supportive of my issues, and I am so grateful to her for opening up my eyes and helping me accept myself...I think we are both taking our lives one day at a time, and it's always nice to know you are not alone.
So ladies, thank-you and I love you.