Johnanthan Taylor Thomas

So I went to Pepperdine, blah blah blah and we all know I did not belong there.  It was difficult for me to fit in, I basically ran with a pack of misfits (no offense to said misfits), and made most of my friends through work.  That was a double edged sword however, because these people did not attend the University, and thus, I did not want to either.  I had a hard time making myself go to class, I'm sorry but the classes were drop dead boring, and filled with religious rhetoric.  There were TWO teachers there that saved my life and my degree, and they were both spectacular people.  Thank you Dr. Heffernan and Dr. Soper!

We will discuss the awesomeness of the aforementioned another time, however, the story I want to tell today is one in which I will never forget.

Somehow, the pack of misfits befriended a young lady named Nikki, who was a dead ringer for Gwyneth Paltrow, and I am not kidding when I say she looked BETTER than Gwyneth.  She drove one of those cute Land Rovers and had absolutely perfect skin, teeth, and hair.  I'm pretty sure she never went to the bathroom or farted.  She was that perfect.  Being the obligatory Pepperdine student, her parents were LOADED.  She was from Calabasas (of course), just around the corner, so she was always jaunting home to visit her "boyfriend."

One of my closest friends had a massive crush on her.  It was one of those situations like Screech and Kelly Kapowski potentially hooking up.  Not gonna happen.  None of us wanted to directly say, "look buddy, just LOOK at her, and then realize what you're up against."  She was so incredibly kind to him, going to dinner with him and being "friends", it made me hate her even more.

So, one day the pack of misfits drug me up to her dorm room because we were all supposed to go somewhere, or study something or...who knows.  Marijuana effects the memory.  We all met in her perfectly decorated room, complete with sixty-eight different Kate Spade bags and posters of Audrey Hepburn.  She informed us that she would not be able to join us, because suddenly her "boyfriend" had called, and was coming to pick her up to hang out.

In a way, I gave a rip.  This meant I could go back to smoking downstairs and playing Super Nintendo, two skills I honed while at school.  In another way, she always talked about this "boyfriend" in a very mysterious way, almost not wanting to reveal anything about him, so...are we going to finally meet this guy?!?!  I started imagining some Saudi Prince, or maybe Brad Pitt?  My mind was racing, as she got a call on her cell.

"Oh, I'll meet you downstairs, I'll be right there."  She fondly bid the rest farewell, but I strategically decided to "go down to my room and get something."  She gave me an awkward look, but then just smiled her beautiful smile.  As we rounded the corner to the parking lot, I almost crapped my pants.  There, in all his five foot glory, was Jonathan Taylor Thomas.

I almost screamed, "this is YOUR BOYFRIEND?!"  But I held it together, barely.  She introduced him to me as "Jon."  No shit, really?!  I wanted to scream so the others would come downstairs.  Instead I stood there, frozen.  She explained that they had met in high school.  She was a good foot taller than him.

I wasn't sure what to do, part of me wanted to run, part of me wanted to go get my camera, and part of me wanted to hide behind a fence and pretend to be Wilson.  Nikki and "old raspy baby man" bid me a fond farewell, and I walked back upstairs to meet the misfits in the hall.  I must have looked like I saw a ghost.  I told them all I had just seen JTT, and not only that, he was Nikki's boyfriend.  They did not believe me, until her roommate, Tamar, came to join us.  She laughed at the commotion an said, "Oh yeah, I would of told you but I thought it was no big deal."

No big deal.  No big deal?!?! Then Tamar took us up to their room and showed us a few pictures of them together, just to make sure I wasn't losing my mind.  I just couldn't wrap my mind around the situation, I was much more of a Jonathan Brandis girl back in the day, but um...it might be worth mentioning in the months of friendship we have watched gone by to mention your boyfriend used to be on Home Improvement.

Nikki and I didn't really hang out much after that year, she ended up dropping JTT like a hot potato and hooking up with this guy Pete who was arguably the biggest crush I have ever had and it was probably one of the biggest disappointments of my life.  Oh well!  He stabbed a pregnant lady over a used car after we graduated, so maybe he wasn't that rad.